are you so shy because you have an std?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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