census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
