Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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