I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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