out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize