i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
