I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
