Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
