wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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