it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
