your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
