highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
