Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
