Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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