My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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