Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize