Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
