my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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