Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
