rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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