She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
