The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
