even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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