As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
