I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
