I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize