She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
