totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I did not marry a roomba.
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