Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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