Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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