I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Randomize
