I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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