1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Fuck appropriateness.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
