Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
