i jhust puked up my retainher.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
