I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I just googled if crying burns calories
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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