did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
So much rum. So many feels.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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