It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
