Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
