I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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