I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You took a bar mat shot.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
