im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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