just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
