I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
