Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
