what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
