is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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