Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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