Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
