Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
