sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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