I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
