Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
