there was a trapeze. enough said
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
