Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
