God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
