idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
