Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
