he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
