he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
