Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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