Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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