winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
