Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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