What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
