I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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