go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
