it was like his penis was on wheels.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
