The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Randomize
