I heard we made out
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
