Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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