she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Randomize
